Back to Work

On Mon, Jan 6, 2014, I returned to the office. It has since been one full work week. I worked from home on Thurs & Fri Jan 2-3 so that we can have a trial run and it was a good thing we did, to iron out any kinks. There were a couple of things that worried me about returning:

1. At the moment, Allison would feed for only 5 minutes before crying in pain from teething. I worried she may not eat enough, which I needed in order to sleep train her during that same time period. 
2. I worried that she would not be happy that her mom wasn't around and worried that she would give her grandmother a hard time (i.e. crying a lot)
3. My biggest concern about returning back to work is that work demands would not allow me to have a work-life balance that I need. I do not want to work beyond normal hours of 9-5pm. 

I was prepared to consider leaving my job if it proved too difficult to be away. Praise be to God that everything is working out very well and that I feel very comfortable going back to work now. 

1. Mom was able to feed her a bottle right when she woke up and was still sleepy and she finished a full amount! Mom joked that she passed the test and won't be fired, hehe. Coincidentally, the first day I was away, Allison stopped having feeding pain and could finish a whole bottle even while awake. 
2. Allison has absolutely no problem with my mom and they get a long just fine. Mom keeps her entertained by singing, taking, praying, playing activities to help with development, etc. 
3. Also coincidentally, Allison slept through the night for the first time.. the night leading up to my first day back. Amazing. 
4. I spoke to my manager about my needs and they will try to be understanding. The projects for this year are more "business as usual"and not high profile therefore should be more manageable, which means not too stressful. 
5. I plan to work from home on Tues and Thurs so that I can see baby during the day. This alleviates the fact that I don't see her most of the day on Mon, Wed, and Fri. It also allows my mom to come a little later and leave a little earlier 2x a week b/c the days that I do go in the office, she has to come a little earlier and leave a little later. 
6. At this age, her daytime schedule is getting very regular and makes it very easy for the caretaker to know what to do next. Right now she eats every 2 hours, has 4 naps with predictable duration and predictable awake time duration. 

My first day in the office was ok. I quickly figured out the "mother's room" logistics w.r.t. pumping. During the day I am distracted with work so I didn't miss the baby as much. But when I came home and saw her, I felt so sad for being away. I was just glad to WFH the next day. The days I do go in, I rush home to make it in time to see her before I have to put her to bed. At that time she is tired from the day so is not as playful. I would say that I see her for about 30 mins in the morning and 30 mins in the evening. Again, so glad I can see her more during the day on Tues and Thurs. I also nurse her on those days. 

About the idea of taking off the first year... I think it's for the best that I don't. The baby and my mom are healthy and getting along, I really have no reason to. It would be harder for an older baby to get used to someone else after being alone with their mom for so long.  Being away for 4 months, I felt a little rusty getting back into work topics; being away for a year would be even harder. Since I would eventually go back to work after 1 year, it will just make it even harder to want to go back; it may even affect my confidence in my skills, especially if I have to interview for a new job. 

how grandma keeps her head warm, hahaha

way to sleep on the job, grandma. hahahah

Snow cub

Sleep Training

Prior to any sleep training, we would rock Allison to sleep for naps and bedtime. When she cries in the middle of the night (acronym MOTN), I would get up to feed her, sometimes 1-3 times. The MOTN sessions would be quick because she sleep-eats and goes back to sleep without a fuss.

@17 weeks, the week that she will turn 4 months old, my friend brought it to my attention that babies should not need to eat in the MOTN anymore, but that they will wake up during that time out of habit. Since Allison has given me 6-7-8 hr stretches in the past, I always thought that she could naturally sleep through the night (12 hrs) on her own and that I wouldn't have to train her to do that, I would only need to train her how to fall asleep on her own. So I decided that I would no longer feed her in the MOTN, I will just help her fall back to sleep if she wakes up by patting her body (bc I didn't want to let her cry). The weak link in that plan would be that it relies on ME to do something for HER. The whole point of sleep training is to train a baby how to go back to sleep once they wake up in the MOTN, which they will. For example, we adults probably wake up several times a night, stirring or changing positions, and we go right back to sleep. Babies do not know how to do this yet and need to be trained.

So I decided that I have to do some formal training, which will apply to bed time as well as MOTN. 4 months is the perfect age in which professionals say we can start sleep training. At this age, they may be hungry in the MOTN but they don't have to eat (same like for us adults) b/c night time is for sleeping while day time is for eating (have to make sure they eat enough). Waiting til they are a little older will make training harder because they can roll around and are more mobile.

So what method of sleep training should I do? Based on research, there are about 3 different methods: cry it out, no cry, or controlled crying.

Cry-it-out: Put to bed drowsy but asleep. Let them cry for as long as it takes until they fall asleep. If they wake up in the MOTN, let them cry it out. This can go on for hours. I am not comfortable with this bc I know Allison will not handle it well. Sometimes this is the only thing that will work for other babies, as a last resort.

No cry: Rock baby until fully alseep. Go to your baby when he cries, picking him up, and putting him back down as many times as necessary. This is pretty much babying them. The problem I see with this is that there is a huge dependency on the parent, which defeats the purpose of learning to sleep or sooth on their own.

Controlled crying: Put to bed drowsy but asleep. When they cry, wait 3 mins before going in. Console by patting but do not pick up. Leave in 2 mins. If they cry again, wait 5 mins. Repeat. If they cry again, wait 10 mins. Repeat as neccessary. Wait the same amount as the 3rd time if its the same session. If bb falls asleep but then wakes up later, start over from the beginning. Each night, increase the amount of time that you wait. This website inspired me to try this method.

Number of Minutes to Wait Before Responding To Your Child

Day 1 - 3 min (1st wait); 5 min (2nd wait); 10 min (3rd wait); 10 min (subsequent waits)

Day 2 – 5 min; 10 min; 12 min; 12 min (subsequent waits)

Day 3 – 10 min; 12 min; 15 min; 15 min (subsequent waits)

Day 4 – 12 min; 15 min; 17 min; 17 min (subsequent waits)

Day 5 – 15 min; 17 min; 20 min; 20 min (subsequent waits)

Day 6 – 17 min; 20 min; 25 min; 25 min (subsequent waits)

Day 7 – 20 min; 25 min; 30 min; 30 min (subsequent waits)

I took a lot of detailed notes on how Allison did - below is a short detail. To summarize, I had to let her cry multiple times but each time, she fell asleep on her own. She got better and better each day and eventually slept through the night on day 4! Coincidentally, that was the night before my first day back in the office (Jan 6, 2014). I am so proud of her.  One important thing is that we have to watch her nap schedules so that she wake up around 5pm in her last nap for a 7pm bedtime. Her morning wake up time is looking to be 6am.

Day 0: (MOTN) 5-10-15.
Day 1 (bedtime) 3-5-10-10. (MOTN) 3 & 3-5.
Day 2 (bedtime) 5. (evening) 5. (MOTN) 5 & 5 & 5.
Day 3 (bedtime) 0! (evening) 5. (MOTN) 10 & 10 & gave paci immediately
Day 4 (bedtime) 12 & cried 2 mins then stopped and fell asleep. (MOTN) slept through the night!
Day 5 (bedtime) cried a little then fell asleep. (evening) gave paci immediately. (MOTN) slept through the night!
Day 6 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy. (evening) gave paci immediately. (MOTN) really bad regression 3-10-10-10-10-15 where paci didn't help. 
Day 7 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy.  (MOTN) gave paci immediately. I consider this sleeping through the night. 
Day 8 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy. (evening) cried a little and stopped on her own. (MOTN) is tonight so let's see.

The first night was hard on me emotionally, to let her cry, even if controlled. Even after she fell asleep, I couldn't sleep because I was haunted by her cries. The subsequent nights was easier for me (and her) because I then realized that this is good for her. Crying will help her learn that she will not be assisted right away and that she has to self soothe. The one thing that is a must for her is to have her pacifier. Sometimes all we have to do is go in, pop it back in her mouth, and then she falls back asleep. Several days in, I decided to do that as soon as she cried in order to avoid prolonged crying. If she still continued to cry then I would let her cry for the appropriate duration. I need to do more research about pacifier dependencies to decide whether I want to wean her off of it now while it's still early or whether I will continue to let her use a pacifier until older like 2 yo. Already she is sucking her fingers during the daytime and we don't like that.

Regarding breast milk supply and demand... since there is no more MOTN feeding, either I have to let my body adjust to the decrease in demand by lowering the supply OR I have to create an artificial demand to keep up the supply. I have decided to wake up at 2:30am to pump in order to maintain my overall supply (which doesn't know the difference between night and day).

Anyway, hooray to easier bedtimes, her falling asleep on her own, and her sleeping through the night! Boo to still having a dependency on the pacifier.

Month 4 update

On Jan 3, 2014, Allison turned 4 months old :) Her checkup at the pediatrician shows that she is 14.5 lbs (70% percentile). She got more vaccination shots which she handled well and did not get a fever/fuss afterwards.

Here are some updates that happened between Dec 3 - Jan 3 (month 4):
@ 12-14 weeks is when we all noticed that baby seems to prefer her mom, and cries when other people hold her, even Tom. Then she stops crying when I hold her. It made me worry about when I go back to work, but I am happy to say that she doesn't seem to have this problem anymore. The 2 weeks of vacation that Tom took at the end of Dec helped to establish their bond; she was fine with her aunt Tina on Dec 21, and is doing well with my mom. However, today my father visited and she was cautious of him.
@ 15 weeks she rolled over from tummy to back!
@ 16 weeks, we noticed that Allison has started grabbing at things that are within reach, like a toy that is on her body, or our sleeves when changing her diapers, or a ribbon that happens to be dangling nearby. And then she likes to put it in her mouth. oh boy!
@ 16 weeks, bb is definitely teething. I feel a tooth on her bottom right side. Usually the bottom center teeth pop first. As a result of teething, she cries in pain after 5 minutes whether bottle fed or nursing and puts her hand in her mouth in that area. To combat that, we have had to feed her when she is drowsy (like after waking up). Glad to say that it is back to normal after 2 weeks. This will likely happen again for the next tooth.
@17 weeks, she is constantly sucking on her fingers now, 2 or 3 fingers at a time. Today, I took her left hand out of her mouth, so then she put her right hand in. When I take the right hand out, she puts the left one in. Silly girl!
@ 17 weeks, we started sleep training her. More on that in a separate post.

bedtime Bible story

quiet morning

second hand mobile

staring contest

cooking with mommy

meeting some of our friends for the first time

starting to grab

turning from back to side

eating the closest flesh around