@17 weeks, the week that she will turn 4 months old, my friend brought it to my attention that babies should not need to eat in the MOTN anymore, but that they will wake up during that time out of habit. Since Allison has given me 6-7-8 hr stretches in the past, I always thought that she could naturally sleep through the night (12 hrs) on her own and that I wouldn't have to train her to do that, I would only need to train her how to fall asleep on her own. So I decided that I would no longer feed her in the MOTN, I will just help her fall back to sleep if she wakes up by patting her body (bc I didn't want to let her cry). The weak link in that plan would be that it relies on ME to do something for HER. The whole point of sleep training is to train a baby how to go back to sleep once they wake up in the MOTN, which they will. For example, we adults probably wake up several times a night, stirring or changing positions, and we go right back to sleep. Babies do not know how to do this yet and need to be trained.
So I decided that I have to do some formal training, which will apply to bed time as well as MOTN. 4 months is the perfect age in which professionals say we can start sleep training. At this age, they may be hungry in the MOTN but they don't have to eat (same like for us adults) b/c night time is for sleeping while day time is for eating (have to make sure they eat enough). Waiting til they are a little older will make training harder because they can roll around and are more mobile.
So what method of sleep training should I do? Based on research, there are about 3 different methods: cry it out, no cry, or controlled crying.
Cry-it-out: Put to bed drowsy but asleep. Let them cry for as long as it takes until they fall asleep. If they wake up in the MOTN, let them cry it out. This can go on for hours. I am not comfortable with this bc I know Allison will not handle it well. Sometimes this is the only thing that will work for other babies, as a last resort.
No cry: Rock baby until fully alseep. Go to your baby when he cries, picking him up, and putting him back down as many times as necessary. This is pretty much babying them. The problem I see with this is that there is a huge dependency on the parent, which defeats the purpose of learning to sleep or sooth on their own.
Controlled crying: Put to bed drowsy but asleep. When they cry, wait 3 mins before going in. Console by patting but do not pick up. Leave in 2 mins. If they cry again, wait 5 mins. Repeat. If they cry again, wait 10 mins. Repeat as neccessary. Wait the same amount as the 3rd time if its the same session. If bb falls asleep but then wakes up later, start over from the beginning. Each night, increase the amount of time that you wait. This website inspired me to try this method.
Number of Minutes to Wait Before Responding To Your Child
Day 1 - 3 min (1st wait); 5 min (2nd wait); 10 min (3rd wait); 10 min (subsequent waits)
Day 2 – 5 min; 10 min; 12 min; 12 min (subsequent waits)
Day 3 – 10 min; 12 min; 15 min; 15 min (subsequent waits)
Day 4 – 12 min; 15 min; 17 min; 17 min (subsequent waits)
Day 5 – 15 min; 17 min; 20 min; 20 min (subsequent waits)
Day 6 – 17 min; 20 min; 25 min; 25 min (subsequent waits)
Day 7 – 20 min; 25 min; 30 min; 30 min (subsequent waits)
I took a lot of detailed notes on how Allison did - below is a short detail. To summarize, I had to let her cry multiple times but each time, she fell asleep on her own. She got better and better each day and eventually slept through the night on day 4! Coincidentally, that was the night before my first day back in the office (Jan 6, 2014). I am so proud of her. One important thing is that we have to watch her nap schedules so that she wake up around 5pm in her last nap for a 7pm bedtime. Her morning wake up time is looking to be 6am.
Day 0: (MOTN) 5-10-15.
Day 1 (bedtime) 3-5-10-10. (MOTN) 3 & 3-5.
Day 2 (bedtime) 5. (evening) 5. (MOTN) 5 & 5 & 5.
Day 3 (bedtime) 0! (evening) 5. (MOTN) 10 & 10 & gave paci immediately
Day 4 (bedtime) 12 & cried 2 mins then stopped and fell asleep. (MOTN) slept through the night!
Day 5 (bedtime) cried a little then fell asleep. (evening) gave paci immediately. (MOTN) slept through the night!
Day 6 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy. (evening) gave paci immediately. (MOTN) really bad regression 3-10-10-10-10-15 where paci didn't help.
Day 7 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy. (MOTN) gave paci immediately. I consider this sleeping through the night.
Day 8 (bedtime) 0 bc I patted her til she got sleepy. (evening) cried a little and stopped on her own. (MOTN) is tonight so let's see.
The first night was hard on me emotionally, to let her cry, even if controlled. Even after she fell asleep, I couldn't sleep because I was haunted by her cries. The subsequent nights was easier for me (and her) because I then realized that this is good for her. Crying will help her learn that she will not be assisted right away and that she has to self soothe. The one thing that is a must for her is to have her pacifier. Sometimes all we have to do is go in, pop it back in her mouth, and then she falls back asleep. Several days in, I decided to do that as soon as she cried in order to avoid prolonged crying. If she still continued to cry then I would let her cry for the appropriate duration. I need to do more research about pacifier dependencies to decide whether I want to wean her off of it now while it's still early or whether I will continue to let her use a pacifier until older like 2 yo. Already she is sucking her fingers during the daytime and we don't like that.
Regarding breast milk supply and demand... since there is no more MOTN feeding, either I have to let my body adjust to the decrease in demand by lowering the supply OR I have to create an artificial demand to keep up the supply. I have decided to wake up at 2:30am to pump in order to maintain my overall supply (which doesn't know the difference between night and day).
Anyway, hooray to easier bedtimes, her falling asleep on her own, and her sleeping through the night! Boo to still having a dependency on the pacifier.
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